Ack.
Which only means one thing - I need to hit my nursing books.

Im going to be cutting off distractions one by one.

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To the professional world, I am Mary Agatha S. Austriaco-Aviso, RMT, RN. I have two degrees, passed two board exams, have two professional licenses and work in call center. How ironic and anti-climactic. The most number of times I have donned a laboratory coat or nursing scrubs was around 5 times a month for a year at most. All that is going to change. I plan to “moonlight” in a dialysis center or train for half a day every week starting June. I am just finalizing my schedule around my kids and Edil. And maybe two to three months after, Im going to wearing nursing scrubs at least four times a week? I certainly hope so.

I am one of those people who work for the money. I am not ashamed to admit that. I have worked hard for four years and a half, put myself through school, a one year separation, a wonderful reconciliation, a dream wedding, a very huge pregnancy, 10 months of breastfeeding, and still working, hard. Many people have (Im sure) wondered where Edil was in all of these. Is he doing his share? Why does she need to work so hard? He, during those times, was, literally, the man of the house. I have not regretted having him at home for two years (on and off) bonding with Matthew. Matthew needed to establish a foundation with his Dad, albeit four years late.

I really really really pray that this is it, the break we have all been waiting and wishing for. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. (Your toes, as well!)

Technorati Tags: nurse, nursing, college degrees, nursing scrubs, nursing wear

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Last night, I went with Matthew to the ER of UST to have him checked again for dengue. (Since platelets do not drop drastically, you might need at least 4 to 5 extractions before you are clinically diagnosed with it).

Anyway, I digress.

The treatment room was extended, with a room specifically for pediatric patients, and there was only one Pedia resident on duty. Medical interns were the ones interviewing and requesting for lab exams. We got discharged four hours later and while I was settling our bills in the main treatment room, there were two critical patients, one gotten in from an ambulance service all the way from Batangas and one was a geriatric patient who I presume was bedridden a long time. Most of you who have been reading my entries since LJ know how passionate I am towards the medical profession, and the frustration I’m experiencing not being able to practice.

So when they went on Code Red and all white coats were rushing towards the two patients (who arrived within minutes of each other), I was transfixed. Honestly speaking, I wished I was there helping, be it as a nurse or a doctor. AND what actually triggered my remorse was the medical resident on duty was a classmate of mine back college days (and was actually somebody I still keep in touch with), and for a person such as myself who never regretted the curveballs life has thrown at her, that time, at that moment, I felt a twinge of regret. And wondered…what if life didnt change for me at 19? I would’ve been a doctor, yes. Would I be happier? More fulfilled?

Yes, in completely different ways.

I would be happy, because my childhood dream would have been a reality, my parents would have been proud of me. I would be fulfilled, because Id be doing what I have planned and wanted to do ever since I was a kid.

But then, for sure, Edil would no longer have been there, I would not have had my two blessings. And honestly, I would not be as focused, determined….and complete.

Yes, I would be fulfilled, accomplished, but not an inch happy. Because truth be told, I would not have appreciated all the things I wouldve accomplished if it was served on me in a silver platter. And I would not have appreciated and cherished the medical profession if Im not in THIS state of my life RIGHT NOW.

But yes, last night. I was a bit sad, a bit regretful. A bit dreamy. A bit resentful. A complete irony.

But today, my life is clearer, more focused. I know where I want to be headed. I’ve veered from it for too long, but the good thing is, I can always turn back and redirect my tracks.

Serving and caring for people has always been my calling, and God has been too Wonderful to throw in MOTHERHOOD earlier to give more direction to my purpose in my life.

Salamat po Ama.

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