It has been three weeks since we last saw the Daddy. I don’t know how parents can actually take care of their kids without their partners – it is hard, overwhelming, frustrating, lonely. Sometimes you can’t help but give in to self-pity. Most especially if there is no extended family to help – in my case, while I have doting parents who love their grandchildren to bits, it is an entirely different case whenever I am alone with them at the house. Maybe because it is different because I still need to work, moreso now because the Daddy hasn’t received his first paycheck nor has recovered his bonus. And maybe because like how I lamented to an online friend, “Nakakapagod at nakakaguilty din. Yung itatabi ko na lang sa anak ko para manuod ng TV kelangan ko pa tumayo para maghugas ng pinggan or magsaing.” OR as is the case these days, I am in front of the computer all the time. I actually welcome the change to go to my parents so I can sleep or read a book or simply eat (and eat) because when I’m at home, the house no longer is home – it becomes my office.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that it is really not all about the money. But if you are like me, one who has dreams and wants to be better, you know it sometimes has to be all about the money. I have made a couple of really bad, disastrous and shameless decisions about money before. All the money I had I don’t even know where I put. As my sister told me, I am making good money. Where was it going? I intend to change that soon. And of course, I want to have some tucked in for the holiday season.

So how has life been? The past two weeks I have been having such a good stroke of luck blessings that I can’t help but get nervous what will happen in return. (It always seems to be a health emergency!) I owe it all to a changed pace on prayer life. Really. This may sound baduy and unbelievable but it is true. And lest you think I’m always on my knees reciting some prayers I didn’t even write, far from it. I am talking everyday to the Man Up There. Every 5 minutes. Every 30 minutes. Simple questions. Why? Ano kasunod. Sorry. Salamat. Ikaw na bahala Ama. Tapos.

That’s how lonely I get sometimes, wala na akong makausap kung hindi Sya. And that is EXACTLY what He is trying to teach me through all of this. Pansinin ko naman daw Sya.

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