I have been going over pictures of the family from 2005 onwards. It really is a good thing I’m such an addict in taking pictures. And this is me being senti today. I see us go through bad times, poor times, good times, times that would have been better if I did this, didnt do that, prioritized this, gave way a little, focused a little, etc. etc. I never thought that going through the pictures, particularly the 2007 ones, would make me sooo…hmm, how do you choose the word? Reflective? I saw the instances that forced me to choose between crossroads that year, and now I realize why I made those choices. It also reminded me of the things that hurt and dangered my family so I will not do the same blunders again. And this is not even solely based on quitting work and moving to the province. It’s the decisions we make, Edil and I, as parents, to be there for our kids. I think in 2007, I was working so hard that money was pouring in (my parents were in the US for six months) and I was able to afford two maids, foot the housebills and everything else with Edil not having work. But we were never so poor in our entire life! I was gone 12 hrs a day came home to work some more, slept when I had the time, watch the kids and just let the year pass by. Now last year, life was so slow I was afraid it has forgotten me, you know. So scary.

So what is the point of this entry? Wala lang. Gusto ko mag-drama

“Change is the only thing constant in the world. You need to live with it.”
2008 was a year of big, scary changes. Totally life-changing. We took big leaps. We moved from the city to the province. After five years of working in a great company, I resigned to stay at home. I knew we could have taken small steps to initiate the change but somehow I was so sure we would never have made that drastic change if we didnt do it big time – so very characteristically US. “One time Big Time.” While I can say the change was really good for the kids, I really cannot say for now if it has been good for me. Out of the four of us in the family, I was the one who had to deal with this change the most. Sometimes I get depressed, scared shitless of something I dont have any control of because I cannot do anything about it for now. However, this is all a lesson of faith and trust for me. Faith for the Man Up there. Trust in my husband. Trust in THIS family – that together we will be able to work things through. I never knew moving houses and changing jobs will affect me so much. It just goes to show how much my identity was based on NEEDLESS things. I have a lot to learn. 15 October 2008

I have a lot to learn.

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