So I turned 28 last Monday. I think this has been the first time since I started blogging that I didn’t sort of blog about it on the day itself. Every year I write on what I have reflected and learned from the past year before I turn a year older. Each year I write about gratefulness, feeling so blessed, feeling so accomplished and wanting nothing more than what I have right now, here with me – love, God and family.

Hence the title of this blog, All I have is all I need.

I always have looked forward to getting older as far as I can remember. I have always felt that being older means being more accomplished, a step closer to whatever mission I’m supposed to be in.

But not this birthday. I think this year I’m going to be 28 forever. Not that 28 is a great age to be in, you know. But being closer to 30 makes me realize how little I know, how weak I am and how many things I need to learn.

Age has crept up with me, making my physical body experience signs of “aging.” I literally have learned to listen to what my body is saying and slow down. I want to be there for my kids until they have grandkids, not because I’m concerned about my mortality, but I just want to be really there for my kids. I want to play with my grandkids and be there for my kids. I don’t want them to take care of me when the time comes.

It has made me realize how I’m pretty much the same when I was 16 – impulsive, temperamental, passionate. While most of these qualities, negative sounding as they seem, have been curbed and tempered to a certain direction, I realized that I tend to break every now and then.

It has made me realize how much I haven’t really nourished a very big part of me since I was 15. I have dreams sometimes, dreams wherein God talks to me. Lately, I always hear hurt in His Voice. And how much He longs for me. I know what to do, but I’m just too weak to start doing it. That’s the part where I have been soul searching the most.

Age has made me realize that I still have so much to learn. And while I am proud of the things I have done, I know I haven’t really done anything that would make me really really, happy.

When I was 15, I was promised that I would find my happiness someday.
And until now, while I choose to be happy everyday, I am seeking the happiness that has been promised to me.

I think that at 28, while most my age are going for stability, starting a family, and everything else, I’m going for something I have stopped doing when I was 18. I’m going to be aiming for direction, for purpose, for mission. I might run out of time if not now.

So 28. It ain’t nothing but a number until I prove otherwise.

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