Here was my status all day in YM:

And I’ve been thinking about my situation, after my physical examination and my boxing aspirations, I got into thinking – this is all a cycle for me. I want to lose weight – I try for a month – I lose a few pounds – I gain it all back.
Nothing’s changed.

Old habits die hard. And for me to set myself that “I will go on a diet”, it is just something that covers a specific period of time. After that time elapses, where will my diet go? Will I go back to eating as much.

You see, I need to change the way I live. And boy would it be so hard. Let me count the ways…

..for me to change:

1. I’m an emotional eater.

According to SparkPeople:

“People often eat to relieve stress or to get something off their minds. The kicker is that stress, and the insulin jump that goes with it, may actually cause you to crave high sugar, high carbohydrate foods – foods that go straight to your waistline and cause you even more stress.”

2. I’m a creature of habit.

Yep, Im OC to the core. LOL. For example, each time I get to work, regardless if I had lunch at home, I have to eat. Then after eating, I need something sweet. All.the.time.

3. I’m stubborn.

Yep, so much so that I think everybody who cares has given up on me.

4. I’m proud.

So much proud that I would not even admit I need help.

But I do. Really.

The realization came yesterday on the commute to work via the LRT. It was so freaking hot my sandals left burnmarks on my feet (no kidding, it is still red, it was THAT hot!), and I was perspiring like a man. When I got to the office, I went straight to the bathroom to freshen up and yaaaaaaaaak, standing in front of the mirror was a big woman who looked UGLY. Really. That was the first time I really found myself ugly.

Then there was this situation. Edil has been a house-band for 2 years. TWO YEARS. Of no female workmates, no female interaction other me, my sisters, relatives and close friends. Now, he is working, has female officemates and my radar is put on high alert. I hate that feeling. To be honest, Im never the jealous type. Edil and I, we never really had the same crowd of friends – when we got together, we still kept our friends, went out with them, etc. He never felt obligated to pick me up from school, or at the office and I never felt the need to look dashing whenever he’d tell me to join his friends. Now, I feel conscious when he says he wants me to go to this and that. And I feel crushed if he goes out without me (Dang, it hurt admitting that!). Edil is not doing anything to make me paranoid. God knows I watch him like a hawk as it is, but then, he cant help it if his wife is an insecure looking old hag, right?

And here I was telling wives to look good for their better halves.

So anyways, this post is a bit revealing as it is.

Can I do it?

I honestly do not know.
But yes, I will, for me. This time I will not do it for an upcoming celebration, an event, for Edil or whoever.
Im going to do it for me.

It will take time. Im going to take baby micro steps to make sure Im doing this right and not going back up, so bear with me

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