Meet the best investment Ive ever made.

Never ever in my wildest dreams did I ever consider having this as my best friend. I dont leave for work without it. (Kahit walang baon for lunch, basta dala ko to). This is the first thing I reach for when I wake up and the last thing I hold before I sleep.
Ever since I became pregnant with Martha, I was dead set on breastfeeding her. I never had any difficulty breastfeeding Matthew before, but since I was young and didnt know any better, I stopped after 2 months even if I wasnt lacking in milk supply. Before you label me as a model mom, my reasons to decide to breastfeed are entirely selfish. I want to lose weight fast. Totoo. My sister in law exclusively breastfed her daughter for two years (no bottles!) and she was back to her original weight plus less in no time. And I was bent to not gain ANYmore than what I have already gained with Matthew 5 years ago, LOL.

I wasnt even concentrating on the benefits of breastmilk for Martha. The first three weeks when I still wasnt able to pump, I was nursing Martha exclusively from my breasts, and boy did it hurt! I had one clogged duct at my right nipple and it looked nasty and bleed everytime she nursed. Nursing her from that side was a nightmare and crying session everytime. I would’ve stopped, really, if not for the fact that we were low in funds that time and I didnt want the added burden of having formula to buy. Plus Edil was so supportive of my decision. Everytime Id nurse and cry, he would squeeze my shoulder as if trying to absorb the pain (Pwera biro, I was literally crying and kicking with pain). But things got better and I finally convinced Edil to buy the pump after 3 weeks when I needed to be away.

My initial target was to nurse for three months — just to have the worth of the pump used. See, I got it for about 6500pesos. Formula per month would be around 2500pesos. If I use the pump for three months, break even lang ako. So OK lang, wag lang lugi, diba? But it was easier for me, emotionally, physically, financially — so I decided to continue.

Selfishly, my emotional guilt was really lessened since I needed to work. Consuelo for me that Im the sole provider of Martha’s nutrition even when Im working (that was before she started solids). Plus, when Im home, at least I get to spend 15 minutes of each nursing session with her ALONE. It is hard to balance time among two kids who are in entirely different age groups. Martha needs nurturing and care while Matthew needs attention. Mahirap.

When we had no househelp and Martha went to Cavite almost two months ago, the decision to continue to pump was a no brainer. By this time, Im determined to nurse until she reaches 1 year of age, by hook or crook. I felt so bad the first time they gave her formula when they had to dispose my milk when the typhoon Milenyo struck and there was no electricity in Cavite for 4 days. And during the last three weeks, as she only nurses from me during the weekends, my supply runs short for a day, so she takes formula one full day a week. But, as my Mom has told me, Im doing all that I can. Many might have stopped after all the stress (no yaya, commuting to Amadeo with an ice cooler!) but at least I still persevered.

It helped a LOT I believe because I can truly feel in my gut that what I have given and sacrificed (I actually think sacrificed is too strong a term)  are all worth it. My sweet baby girl and I are bonded. Im not saying if you do not breastfeed, you will not bond with your child. But there is something different, sometimes egotistical, but purely unselfish to nurse a child. I really wished Id nursed Matthew longer. I feel that I have left out Matthew something really precious - but I know that’s just guilt talking.

So what the hell is the essence of this post? Nothing really.

I just want to be reminded that Im doing the right thing. This is for me.

While some may say breastfeeding is best for your child, I feel that breastfeeding is for mothers - it is my therapy.

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