.. and before you know it, it’s already December.

WOW.

The month flew so fast Im having a hard time recalling all the stuff I did, or experienced. And since Im going to be doing a “This Month” layout from now on, what better way to stay organized than to blog about it!

• Weekends were spent going to Cavite to be Martha, bond with my parents, get connected spiritually and somehow get recharged. Im seriously considering moving to the province, so much so I have told Edil verbally the need for fresh air for the kids and the simplicity of life we need to direct towards to. And Edil and I are just crossing off the thousand and one things we need to do/have/accomplish before we make the move. It wont happen the soonest I want it to be, but at least Edil has somehow considered the option. It will be hard with no car, but Im sure we can get by. I can just imagine going to Tagaytay for breakfast every Sunday or going to Mahogany to eat bulalo for lunch. Matthew can go to a school run by La Sallites (sp?), and me? I can always find work wherever. With that, Im always sure of. (Sana lang may internet na dun by the time we move. The area we want to move into has no lines yet, but the town proper has PLDT already.)
• It was hard for me to balance work, family and my creative time. I have more than once many times (hehehe, I purposely did that!) reported for work late or let my performance suffer because I cant keep the thin line of balance and priority equal on ALL points of my life. To put it this way: I work 1PM to 12MN - M, W, Th and F. Edil, when he used to work, worked from either 10AM-7PM or 12PM-9PM, rest days variable. We have no help. Matthew goes to school 11.30-2.45. He gets fetched by the bus at 10.30AM and goes home at 4PM. Edil gets home at around 9-10PM, me at around 1AM. Do you get the picture? Let me paint a clearer one: Uwi ako ng 1AM. Pump milk. Sleep. Get up at 6-7AM. Pump milk while checking mail. 8AM-10AM is spent preparing Matthew for school, Edil for work. 10.30 Matthew leaves. Pump again for milk. Short internet time. 12NN leave for work (Notice there is no lunch!). Barely arriving on time for work. Take calls. Process emails. Do admin stuff. Pump during breaks. Take lunch at 6PM. Call house because MATTHEW IS ALONE. Yep. He goes home to an empty house *insert a broken hearted sigh*. We have aunts and my lolas next door who really watch out for him. Sometimes, he goes there to play. But most of the time, when I call, he is at home, watching TV alone. He buys food by himself. One of my sisters gets home by 7PM and then they eat. Matthew does his homework by himself. This has been going on for about a month now. And it breaks my heart. I have tried HARD to find swapmates for schedules. And sometimes, there are just around 2 days when Matthew goes home and finds no one because I dont go to work during Tuesdays and Edil finds a way to always have rest days during weekdays (so you can guess he cant go to Cavite to see his little princess). But it is still sooooo hard on me. Quitting my job is not an option. And we really cant take in just ANYBODY to be a yaya. (As you can see, no one gets left at the house most of the day). Haaaaay, ang hirap sa puso. (I needed to wipe a few tears just writing all of these down). BUT, we get by, seriously we do. Consuelo ko lang talaga ng matalino anak ko, may sariling sikap and I really do not hover around his schoolwork so much and yet he gets such good grades (He almost always gets perfect scores from quarterly exams). Consuelo ko na lang na minsan nandyan Mommy ko from Cavite (b/c she works part time here in Manila), that one of my sisters will just be home. Pero it still is hard. Matthew is on sem break now since Monday so it was a breather. He went to Cavite to get a vacation.
• Financially, we get by, we get by one day at a time. HAHAHAHAHA! Edil ended his job last week, so he is on the hunt again. But, he is seriously wanting to study again. We still get some money from his small businesses but we have a big loan from his parents we need to pay off (we closed all our credit cards from that loan just so we can start anew) so we badly need the money. As what my attitude with money, money is just money. I will not let money rule my world. *blah*
• Martha is thriving. As much as it pains me to admit it, Martha is more fit to live in Cavite. She gets morning sunshine, has fresh air, sleeps soundly, eating anything (yep, even durian! Can you imagine?!?!). And she is such a bundly of joy to my parents, esp. to my Dad. She is still feeding on my milk. So I guess somehow, my emotional guilt is lessened because I still pump for her every 4 hrs round the clock even if Im not with her. Ill make a separate post for her and Matthew in the next few days.

I have more kwento since I had such a great time during the weekend and yesterday but it deserves another post, since it needs to have pictures. (Sana I can find time to do that).

But Martha is HOME! We get to sleep in one big bed complete for the next five days

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