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Check out Angie’s blog for a nice little RAK, if you want to join.

And for those starting new with digiscrapping, I would like to point you to blogs who I find inspiration everyday (Tip: Subscribe to Bloglines!)

Katie Pertiet - she is currently rolling out a series of lessons in the Principles of Design. Good stuff.
Jessica Sprague - she rolls out Photoshop Friday every (guess when?) FRIDAY! LOL. Im amazed at how much I still need to learn!
Lisa Cohen - she has some tutorials in Photoshop too, and I just love her projects from Stacy Julian’s class in Big Picture Scrapbooking (but aack, $80.00? If the peso drops at 20P = 1USD, sure!LOL). Im actually inspired with her mini albums!.
Stacy Julian - You should definitely read her book, Big Picture, and you will know how to prioritize and not be overwhelmed
More to come :D. Ive also been looking up links towards plastic surgery, LOL. Not planning on getting one for myself but a friend is looking for revision rhinoplasty.

Special plugging though - Subscribe to Ali Edwards‘ newsletter, seriously, so many inspiring stuff!!!

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Last night, I went with Matthew to the ER of UST to have him checked again for dengue. (Since platelets do not drop drastically, you might need at least 4 to 5 extractions before you are clinically diagnosed with it).

Anyway, I digress.

The treatment room was extended, with a room specifically for pediatric patients, and there was only one Pedia resident on duty. Medical interns were the ones interviewing and requesting for lab exams. We got discharged four hours later and while I was settling our bills in the main treatment room, there were two critical patients, one gotten in from an ambulance service all the way from Batangas and one was a geriatric patient who I presume was bedridden a long time. Most of you who have been reading my entries since LJ know how passionate I am towards the medical profession, and the frustration I’m experiencing not being able to practice.

So when they went on Code Red and all white coats were rushing towards the two patients (who arrived within minutes of each other), I was transfixed. Honestly speaking, I wished I was there helping, be it as a nurse or a doctor. AND what actually triggered my remorse was the medical resident on duty was a classmate of mine back college days (and was actually somebody I still keep in touch with), and for a person such as myself who never regretted the curveballs life has thrown at her, that time, at that moment, I felt a twinge of regret. And wondered…what if life didnt change for me at 19? I would’ve been a doctor, yes. Would I be happier? More fulfilled?

Yes, in completely different ways.

I would be happy, because my childhood dream would have been a reality, my parents would have been proud of me. I would be fulfilled, because Id be doing what I have planned and wanted to do ever since I was a kid.

But then, for sure, Edil would no longer have been there, I would not have had my two blessings. And honestly, I would not be as focused, determined….and complete.

Yes, I would be fulfilled, accomplished, but not an inch happy. Because truth be told, I would not have appreciated all the things I wouldve accomplished if it was served on me in a silver platter. And I would not have appreciated and cherished the medical profession if Im not in THIS state of my life RIGHT NOW.

But yes, last night. I was a bit sad, a bit regretful. A bit dreamy. A bit resentful. A complete irony.

But today, my life is clearer, more focused. I know where I want to be headed. I’ve veered from it for too long, but the good thing is, I can always turn back and redirect my tracks.

Serving and caring for people has always been my calling, and God has been too Wonderful to throw in MOTHERHOOD earlier to give more direction to my purpose in my life.

Salamat po Ama.

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DIONNE and ALPHA

Pic to follow. I just need to write the post baka kasi may magcomment uli

Matthew still has slight fever. Please include him in your prayers, also Martha.

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Go here.

I have the calendar templates.
If you want to have your calendar for free, just enter a comment below.
Matthew will choose a winner again, and you send 12 pictures that you want to be included.
I’ll plop them in, and it’s yours (Flattened JPGs, high-resolution, of course).
PS: Hindi ko kaya magpaprint ha, LOL.

Consider it as my Christmas gift And since this is easy, Matthew will pick two :D.

PS: If you actually want to get this as Christmas present, you can buy them at Shabby Princess, they accept credit cards (calling Pinays, LOL). Im making them for Edil’s family this Christmas
ETA: Monday 3AM

Let us extend this until Tuesday, I just came home from Cavite to find Matthew sick with fever. Please pray it’s not dengue. Id rather pray for somebody who is having a rhinoplasty in Melbourne, Florida.

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Nakakainis ha.

Nagulat lang ako sa entry na ito.

Parang entry ko dito.

Diba?
From me:

“My whole point? I still get jealous, I still get hurt, I still get upset on little things such as “Why havent you still not posted our wedding announcement in Friendster?” issue (which he now rarely visits). But when he looks at you, you know, deep down, those are ghosts and ghosts are just…ghosts..haunting you.

And ghosts are harmless when you simply make them harmless too.
I would like to believe ghosts exist simply because you believe in them.
So for now, for me, they do not exist.”

From her:

“My whole point??  I still get jealous, I still get hurt, I still get sad and disappointed on little things such as “Why did you look for her at friendster and asked her to be ur friend?”…” why didn’t u tell me that her son who was named angelo as well was ur inaanak? ” … “why didn’t u tell me that u are close to her because she is ur friend’s mistress..” ..  But when Gelo simply looks at me everytime i ask him these questions, i know, deep down, those are ghosts and ghosts are just… ghosts.. haunting ME.

And ghosts are harmless when you simply make them harmless too.
I would sometimes like to believe that ghosts exist simply because you believe in them.

So for now, for me, they DO NOT  exist.”

Tangina, nakakairita ha.
Ang kapal. At least ako, I gave credit for the inspiration. E sya, talagang inangkin eh!

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My baby has my nose, thankfully it’s like a button nose which comes out so cute she would not need rhinoplasty Chicago, as if I would ever let her, my baby is perfect as she is Absolutely beautiful!

Missing my baby VERY much. It’s hard, not having both of them in the same house. Yes, it can be an advantage as I can devote to one entirely pero masakit din kasi namimiss mo naman ang isa. Hay buhay, parang life. Im going to Cavite tomorrow to see Martha. We decided it best to have her stay there instead of her coming home to Manila during weekends kasi mapapagod lang un bata, plus mukhang magdedevelop na ng hika ung bata (Matthew had hika up to when he was 2 yrs old.). Oh well, life. Please pray we get a nanny soon.

As for me and Edil, we need to be financially stable to be able to retire to the province. Ayoko na sa Manila. Id love to have a house in Cavite na. The place where my parents stay in is 30 minutes aways from Tagaytay (my favoritest place), and right beside the Figaro farm. Everytime I go there, I feel relaxed. I can take the commute naman (I think). Matthew can study in the school run by La Salle Greenhills there. So many possibilities.

Pray na lang for now.

OR, I can get my stupid ass working and apply for NCLEX and get out of the country by 2008. That’s our main plan. 2008 and we are off to the Land of Milk and Honey.

Forgive me for sounding sabog, but Ive been having dreams lately and I think our fate is destined to be there.

EDIT POST:
I absolutely love that pic above. Ang cute cute ni Martha no? Tingnan nyo ang kamay, ang arte, hahaha. Kaso parang mumu naman si Mato, LOL. Anyone who can edit that for me and have Matthew be clearer? Please, please please???? Unsharp mask lang ba yan sa Adobe?

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Martha

First Smile - July 14, 2006
Baptism - August 20, 2006
Roll Over - August 21, 2006
First ER trip - August 27, 2006
Roll Back - September 3, 2006
First Giggle/Laugh - September 5, 2006
Second ER trip - September 17, 2006
First Sickness - September 18, 2006

Martha was diagnosed with Infectious Diarrhea last night. She’s hydrated well, thank God for my milk. I think she finds comfort with my breast as she rejects the bottle with my expressed milk so I was glued to her side most of the weekend. She is still an active baby, no noticeable symptoms except for poo ever after feeding. She’s into antibiotics and ORS to be safe. And Im now using sterilized mineral water (yep, twice) for her on everything. We are still wondering where she got it as she is still purely breastfed so she doesnt take any water in quantities that might infect her. But she is teething and she has her hands on her mouth 90% of the time, 10% of which are on things and toys everywhere. So most probably she got it there.

Since we still have no househelp, Mom has sacrificed and took Martha to Cavite. It’s better there - airconditioned room, fresh air, and she can have two nannies - ladies who stay there and help around the retreat house where my Dad is staying most of the time. I spent last weekend there, and everytime I go there, I find peace. What I can find without technology — priceless.

Matthew

Matthew is now a full blown attention craving son. Sibling rivalry hasnt kicked in yet. But he has verbalized that he wished he was the second baby so he can be taken cared of. He dotes on his baby sister, in fact, Martha goes to sleep with his singing, and first laughed because of Matthew. Their connection is awesome. But, it is a struggle, finding time to balance attention for both of them. Soon, I hope. Matthew has been having issues lately. Well, it has been there for a time but lately we have been noticing he is starting to act feminine more and more, and I have to admit it is bothering me - not because he might turn out to be gay but because he might get teased a lot. He told me he’s a boy. But it’s quite hard to explain in writing. Basta, minsan, napapansin ko nagiimagine sya na model daw sya, kasi mahilig manuod ng America’s Next Top Model. Tapos, pag nagsasayaw, medyo malambot, pero di naman maarte — pag mag-isa lang, un ang inaatupag nya, imagining things! Im analyzing that he is so much a Mama’s boy. He needs to be involved with Edil ASAP or else masasayang ang kagwapuhan ng anak ko, hahahaha. Any tips on how to do this? I dont want naman to put malice na bading sya or what — kasi gusto ko if he is, I want him to be open to us and not hide it. If you ask me kung ano instinct ko, ang sagot ko pa din HINDI. Pero syempre, I want to be sure. Edil is having a headache just thinking about this, LOL.

There.

What do you call a woman who will go to Cavite tomorrow just to deliver expressed milk when her daughter has formula stocked just in case?

A breastfeeding advocate.
My mom told me point blank to switch to formula for now since Martha has been having many poos, but I flatly told her NOT to give any formula until all my stock has been used up (She is going to take formula, sooner or later, this week, as I only have enough for 2 days). She told me my tenacity is amazing. I simply told her I want to give Martha the best option for now — and that is MY milk.

Information is wealth. I know the reason Martha is not hospitalized yet is because the antibodies in my body are fighting the infection. And that my milk is customizing its content according to what Martha needs NOW. I hope I can keep up until her first year. That is my plan.

Btw, I got a bone density test earlier and my calium levels are high, so normal that the doctor cant believe I dont take calcium supplements (even milk) — pwede pa ice cream, LOL. Im still taking them from now on as Ive read calcium levels of breastfeeding mothers drop by the 6th month. Falling hair has begun and I lose so much Im having a hair cut tomorrow.

More later.

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Busy Busy Busy.

No yaya. Edil is working and Matthew is schooling.

Grabe, we struggle for balance every freaking day.

Will be back to regular programming as soon as life allows me to.

Dont worry, we are surviving. And I have learned to know how to prioritize. More on this in the coming weeks.

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