I'll be such a hypocrite to claim I love being a wife. Yes, it makes me happy - but not the giddy, teeny-bopper happy that makes you smile to yourself like an eejit all day long. It's more or less like a peaceful kind of love - the one that is secure, that gives comfort, and assurance. It's almost always having family again (the first one being the one I was born to), which is actually the case.

It is an adjustment though. We haven't had any proper honeymoon nor a honeymoon stage because 1) we already have a son who is 4 and 2) having a son would not really be a problem but having no maid really is.

If things were different and my husband isn't living with us, I would have lasted me and Matthew on junk food and pasta all week, with occasional eat-outs to Jollibee. I would have taken my clothes to the laundry, and would have not cleaned my room for God-knows-how-long. As long as Matthew goes to school on time, gets high grades, eats well, I'm OK.

But Edil doesn't like pasta. He prefers rice on every meal. I need to do laundry every three days or his clothes would stink - he goes to the gym so most of his clothes get wet from sweat. I still have some notion that I need to be the wife so of course, I'm in charge of cleaning the room.

So, alas, the first few weeks, have all been but routine. I can't even begin to count the number of time there had been fights (no bouts of crying, thank God) or the days there would be no talking. While most newlyweds would gush and exclaim na “Ang sarap pala magpakasal!”, I would then fight the urge to say, “San mundo ka ba nakatira?”

Dont get me wrong, Im not even regretting having gotten married. I love the man I vowed to love and cherish for the rest of my life (very much, actually). I guess it's just the adjustments that are killing me. And the fact that I'm forced to be domesticated - which I wasn't trained to be ever since a kid (I grew up with helpers all the time).

For one thing, since wala kaming katulong, and I'm the eldest girl in the house (we still live with my parents but they are more often in Cavite, where they stay now, than in Manila), I'm generally the Mommy in the house aka THE KONTRABIDA. I have an older bro who is good at cooking but never wakes up in time for us to eat during decent hours and two younger sisters who dont know anything about being domesticated. Yeah, they can do chores, but not after being told to do so. Yun pa man din ang pinaka ayaw ko, walang kusang mga tao.

Anyhow, I plan the menu, budget expenses, cook, do laundry for three (me, Edil and Matthew -pero it feels like 5 since Matthew changes clothes 4 times day! Plus bed sheets, towels, etc), be a mom to a makoolit 4 year old, be a wife, and still work AT night. OK. Mukha na tong pity-me-Aggie spiel.

OK naman eh. Sometimes, I feel like I've passed the boards if Edil praises my cooking - which is a challenge since we have very different tastes when it comes to food. (He hasnt criticized my cooking yet though, he eats everything). Or when the clothes really feel and smell Downy fresh. And when Matthew just hugs me and says “I love you Mommy!” (He is very affectionate. We exchange I love you's up to 10 times a day).

And with some meditation and soul-searching, I think the Big Man is just training me on what life we will lead when plans materialize and we will be moving countries in, hopefully, two years. I've been chatting with a cousin who lives in the US and I was having a wife-rant na I have to do the laundry, cook, yada yada nandyan pa si mato and I have to work, when she replied, “Ganyan din kami dito, pero carry lang. Disiplina lang yan.” Which is actually true. Disiplina lang talaga.

Almost 60 days of married life, and we still have to go honeymoon and still have to make plans for an exclusive date, pero, I'm loving it. Totoo. I would never have it any other way.

Sometimes, I get mad at Edil for not doing certain things or I have to tell him to do this and that, pero I appreciate that 1) He does what I request him to do, and 2) He is patient in teaching Matthew. I also appreciate the fact that he let me go to work and he stay at the house while we have no maid (feeling ko hindi na kami makakahanap pa), and still let me have all of my salary. He still takes care of expenses in the house and can still save (ang galing ni Edil sa pera) while my salary would go to credit card debt payments. I appreciate that he has respected my decision not to have babies in 2 years. And I appreciate the fact that he has no macho syndrome. He doesn't feel insecure being in the house. (He still makes more money that I am kasi, I think).

Though I would want a maid to help us out with some things, I think having no one to turn to but each other has brought us closer in a weird way. When I have no work, we still wake up at 7AM to get ready Matthew for school, and then we go about on our own business. Then he fetches Matthew from school and we eat together and just be a family. It may ba far from giddy, but it feels nice.

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