Is this right? It’s already May 1?!

Half of me is giddy with excitement - that the day is getting closer and closer. The other half is just plain zonked out - I can’t wait for it to be over. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, my thoughts are all about the wedding - how it will go, the reception layouts, place cards, invites..honestly, it’s making me sick. It is good I planned the wedding just months from the wedding day itself or else I would have gone zonkers. I know it might be too early to let go - we still haven’t finalized anything with the caterer, haven’t had our rings made, haven’t even distributed the invites! But then, maybe the past few days, weeks even, got me into thinking and made me see things in different perspective.

My family and I were doing some grocery shopping last Thursday as my Mom will be flying to Singapore for a week. We had Japanese dinner and went to the grocery section and found back issues of Martha Stewart Weddings at a hundred bucks. I grabbed two and requested my Dad to pay for it (I know, PAL pa din ako LOL), when Dad joked, “Puro wedding magazines ka na naman! Baka naman you are obsessed with the ritual and not the man you are marrying.” I was quite taken aback and told him no, but then I honestly was a bit offended. (My dad still bought the magazines for me though). And then I asked myself, “Am I really just hell set into having my dream wedding and not the man Im going to marry?”

Edil and I got into a major fight around two weeks ago which almost led to the cancellation of the wedding itself. Few people know about it (and the reason behind it) but we had an honest-to-goodness talk (after maybe two talks of non-stop shouting) and decided to go through with it. When you think about it, we have dreamt of this day ever since we started longing to be together forever, and maybe, the stress and pressure of having my dream wedding come true just got to be..well..over the top.

Many say planning a wedding is the stage for practice for the real show - married life. And now, I can’t help but appreciate the things Edil has done for me just to give in to what I want. He once told me he has robbed me of my youthful years since I had Matthew early and had to sacrifice a lot of things, and he doesn’t want to deny me some thing I deserve. Sure, I still get irritated at senseless stuff - like how he can’t stop smoking, or how he cannot, for the life of me, change the way he dresses (there is nothing wrong with the way he dresses - he in fact dresses well, not just my taste. He is all trendy and funky and I’m all classic and simple - in short, Manang, LOL) but at the end of the day, after all the wedding planning, my vision of forever is still the same: being with him until we are old and gray.

I’m quite excited for this week as we are scheduled to have our Discovery Weekend. Im quite scared that we might back out of the wedding again, but then, I’m sure it will be all for the best c”,)

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