I normally don't do resolutions on New Year's Eve, nor do I make any resolutions period. If ever I make one, I do it week per week, day by day, each and everytime I failed to abide by my set of standards and my set of rules.

I break one today.

I'm going to make a resolution on Easter - simply because I refuse to make one when my God is suffering during Lent. I repent more when Easter comes, simply because I am reminded of how much loved I am, that He died for me. And yet I celebrate, because, each year, I come clean, and the year starts with a lot of hope.

Though you really can't tell much from my entries, I'm Catholic. I refuse to say I am a devout one, because I practice pre-marital sex. I'm not bad, but I'm not good either. I go to mass each week, take Communion when not in sin, and practice virtues, and pray the Rosary more than necessary - does that make me religious? No. It basically just means I believe there is a God and not just a Supreme Being or Force that makes the world as it is.

Three years ago, I spent Holy Week not remembering anything. I spent it with H, fooling around, two years ago, and at work last year.

I spent Holy Week at a magnificent place the past few days — not on the beach but a Retreat Center. And when the time came that I spent a few moments praying at the Chapel, my life flashed before my eyes. And then I realized, God has loved me so much. Each period, each chapter, each change, He has brought me to this. I may refuse to follow what He has in store for me, but He always manages to steer me back into the right path.

I talked to Him that day. I said, I miss talking to You. I know you miss me so. I'm trying hard to fix my life, as You have requested, and right now, I feel one of Your Grand Plans unfolding. Help me carry this through.

And so today, I resolve to make time to talk to the Guy up There, my God, a little more, a little longer each day, and make each sacrifice an offering.

Some people believe in fate and destiny while others make the choice by believing it's all up to them, all the time. With how my life turned out, I would not want to get all the slack of making things happen. It was always because of Him. Always.

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